Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Well well well

Firstly, let it be known that I can not access blogger from work. Boo. Then again, I no longer have the time to be posting from work anyways.

So? How is it?

Well, the first week was such a shock. But, since then it has steadily improved around here. The major improvement happened when I stopped trying to make that horrible drive myself, and am now taking the bus. It's a nice cushy bus from this suburb into downtown and out to the part of town I work in. It takes an hour-hour and twenty minutes. Awful isn't it? But it was taking me that long to drive in!!!

We also discovered that the start early/leave work early schedule is the only one Nell will tolerate. We have a hard time stretching her bed time much later than 8...so if I leave here on the 6:20 am bus (5:20 wake up for me, yikes) and leave work on the 4:30 bus...I get home by 6. It seems to be working out. It is a loooong day, but the upside is I"m actually pretty happy with the job and think it was the best decision for our family.

Nell meanwhile continues to delight us. She's just a funny little thing. She's really loves SCREEEEEEEEM talking. She loves to swing, she squals with delight. I just love her. She's also sleeping better at night. I'm thrilled with that.

This week we said goodbye to breastfeeding. I've been struggling to keep Nell insterested and my milk has steadily decreased. It was just a natural falling off process, and I don't wonder if getting the formula she's getting now is helping with the sleeping. I'm not convinced my supply was ever all that great. My little girl is growing up. As with all her changes, it just seems to have happened naturally. I have only had slight engorgement etc.

How is everyone? Nell wants to know!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Thanksgiving!

This morning I'm giving thanks that for the first time ever in her whole entire life, Nell slept through the entire night with nary a peep!!!!!

This is nothing short of miraculous. Especially since it follows after a night where she only stirred once and got herself back to sleep without my help.

People. 2 nights. Of sleep. For mom.

Thank you!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Wow

Just. Wow.

The adjustment has been pretty tough. More on me than on Nellie Tru. Or maybe equally hard?

The commute is something I don't think I'll ever get used to. I feel that horrible overwhelmed feeling you always get when you are new in a job.

But, despite all that, I have this steady feeling that this was the right decision for us right now.

It sure does make me appreciate every single second with my baby girl, that's for sure!

Once I process what is happening I will write more on it...but wanted to let you guys know that we are ok. Or are getting there quickly.

Apart from that, on this day of thanks...I wanted to say that I'm so thankful for a happy healthy baby. I'm thankful for my little family. I'm thankful that we have food on our table, a roof over out heads, and that we want for so little that we actually need.

Nell's awake! Gotta run.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

On that cheery note...


We have somewhat recovered from the trauma of losing Nanny and Poppy last week. This is my last week at my current job. Monday I start at the new one. My car has been in the shop for three days straight trying to sort out an annoying hum that its had since I first got it but have been consistently told that I was imagining it for nearly three years. The good news is I think we have finally figured out what is causing it!!!!! Hoorah!!!! The bad news is, it still needs to be fixed. It will be fixed under warranty, but when you have only one car for the family and suddenly you are commuting so far everyday, getting the work done (a two hour job) becomes problematic.

Sigh.

I'm packing death (to use an australian expression) with regards to the new job. That is to say...I'm anxious.

We've been working on adjusting Nell's schedule a bit so that the transition is not so stark for her. I am hopeful it will all work out. Right now I feel pretty anxious about everything, so I use my daughter as a distraction. Anxiety (mine that is) is born of introspection (self-focus) so one good way to minimize it is to distract myself with Nell. Which isn't hard to do as she's just changing before my very eyes. She is currently still hating being on her belly/all fours and will sit and rock on her hands and knees trying to figure out what to do next when she finds herself in that predicament. Mark my words, she's going to be mobile very very soon. That ought to keep her father very very busy.

(Current picture courtesy of her latest sitting at JcPenney. I love cheap portraits from JcPenney!!!!)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Breathe

D's parents left this morning. I'm so sad I'm hyperventilating.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Timing is Everything

Timing is everything.

For example, this job offer has come along at a time when I my company is recovering from two hurricanes and, as such, none of us will be seeing any bonuses for the year. When you work for the "man" (ie. the pay isn't great), you come to depend on the bonus (no matter how meagre) to cover your normal expenses (ie. student loans!) Not only that, with escalating health care costs, our company has been quick to pass on the gouge. So insurance for our family would have gone up nearly $100/month. My new job offers us better coverage for less than half of what our premium would have been. They also are offering a nice salary and a fat target bonus. Last year the company exceeded expectations and everyone got 140% of target. In light of all issues, it made sense to accept the offer. (And I'm not even talking about the job itself being a good opportunity/challenge.) That is, to accept it despite my anxiety over commuting and all.

So, see? On paper it all seemed like a very good decision. So why do I still feel so anxious and unsure about it? I mean, more thant he normal anxiety when facing change?

Perhaps it is the additional anxiety/sadness we are all feeling about D's parents going home. We are going to miss them soooo much. And, they will be sooooo far away again. This job should facilitate our moving back to be near them sooner than we could have with my current job. So, there's that too.

But even considering that additional heart break, I still have been feeling extra special crazy about life in general.

Last night I discovered why. That's right my friends, guess who suddenly has her period for the first time since finding out I was pregnant. Nice one body! Nothing like adding hormonal issues for the extra special craziness on top of everything else.

Monday, November 07, 2005

So...

I decided to take the job after all. It was an agonizing decision, but in the end, one I hope will be what's best for me and my family. They went out of their way to address my time concerns and I just have to hope it will all work out. If it doesn't? Well, then I try something else. Mum-things aside, my job had been dragging me down for a long long time.

It has made for a very emotional week for me. That coupled with the fact that my in-laws leave Friday and it just breaks my heart to think of it. I don't know how long it will be before we see them again. Sigh.

I am not very good with change at all.

On Nell related news: She had her six month appt today. She's a giagantor baby...27.5" and 17 something pounds!!! She also had her needles. Nell did not appreciate that at all. She demanded some of my lasagna at lunch to make up for it. We spent Saturday in San Antonio and she was a trooper. Driving there and back in one day makes for a long day but she did really well. She liked being strolled around the markets and the riverwalk.

I'm wiped out. I feel like I've been worrying over this job thing for years. I'm so anxious about it all I could happily go hide in the closet for a few thousand years.

Being the mom is hard work.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Oh my goodness...how much more can I stand?

Not much.

Offer is back on the table. Much mulling and anxiety is ensuing.

My in-laws leave in just over a weeks time. I am already tearing up ever time I think of it.

It is suddenly dark dark dark in the evenings.

I'm going insane.

PS> In order to amuse myself I've taken to brushing Nell's sparse hair to one side, and that coupled with her high forehead makes her look like she's sporting Adolf Hitler's hairstyle. I then force her hold her hand up and ask for complete and utter loyalty from her minions (us). Yes, that's how far I'm reaching for amusement at the moment.